I never shall forget the day
Columbus landed here.
Myself and forty Indians
Were right there on the pier.
He asked me why the Indians
Wore feathers on their head.
Oh! that's to keep their trousers up!
And this is what I said,

'Twas I who built the Rockies up
And placed them where they are,
Sold whiskey to the Indians,
Behind my little bar,
'Twas I that made Niagara Falls,
And first discovered beer.
Oh! that was long before Columbus
Landed over here.

Columbus asked me where to go
To catch the China train,
I saw the poor old boy had got
The itching foot again.
Says I, "Too bad! There is no train
That leaves for there today.
You'll find a Chinese laundryman
Not half a block away."

'Twas I who built the Rockies up
And placed them where they are,
Sold whiskey to the Indians,
Behind my little bar,
'Twas I that made Niagara Falls,
And first discovered beer.
Oh! that was long before Columbus
Landed over here.

He saw that some of my Red Men
Had skins that were quite fair,
And thought some other white man must
Have wandered over there.
Says I, "You have to bear in mind
That I've been here some time.
They certainly can not be yours,
But they, no doubt, are mine!"

'Twas I who built the Rockies up
And placed them where they are,
Sold whiskey to the Indians,
Behind my little bar,
'Twas I that made Niagara Falls,
And first discovered beer.
Oh! that was long before Columbus
Landed over here.